How to Know a Person is new nonfiction by NYT columnist David Brooks that dives into, as its subtitle suggests, the art of seeing others deeply and being deeply seen. You know those people who make you feel like an interesting person whenever you talk with them? The people who, as Brooks puts it, “shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up”? Brooks set out to find what sets these people apart. He digs into psychology and neuroscience, he mines anecdotes from philanthropists, actors, biographers and teachers, and he applies his learnings to his own life along the way. Throughout his research and personal journey, Brooks comes to find that we all have the capacity to be those “illuminating” people, if we learn to lead with curiosity, empathy, and respect. He offers concrete practices that can help you get to know a person, like embracing the much-dreaded small talk, asking the right kinds of questions, and looking at the larger picture of a person rather than the sliver of their life readily available to you. And he shows how, in focusing our attention outward, we learn more about ourselves, too—the magic of connection! But, above all, he emphasizes that knowing a person is a creative act, and that figuring out your own personal way of seeing others is a lifelong practice. At such a divided, isolated point in history, this book feels especially necessary, and Brooks makes an inspiring case for seeking out connection.
I absolutely loved this book. How to Know a Person is the perfect mix of academic and personal, the kind of nonfiction that feels challenging in its ideas but easy to read. Brooks has a casual, approachable voice—think Adam Grant—that invites you in and makes you want to put his ideas into practice. While reading, I tried implementing some of his advice and was surprised by how much openness it fostered in my day-to-day conversations. The best part is, Brooks’ advice isn’t formulaic or static; he doesn’t give out solutions, he simply offers a new way of looking at things. His advice centers on the self—developing your own perspective, training your mind to see people more fully and with more compassion, so that you can more easily reach a point of deep connection with others. How to Know a Person is an insightful, impactful read—highly recommend.
I’d recommend this book to…
- Anyone interested in the power of relationships and community… it’s similar in theme to Together by Vivek H. Murthy, MD
- Anyone looking for a compassionate, enthusiastic read… it’s similar in tone to Give and Take by Adam Grant
- Anyone who loves nonfiction that offers practicable advice and encourages connection… it’s similar in style to The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
